Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
