So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
