He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
