i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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