I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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