I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
