So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
