how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
