My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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