quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
