Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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