His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
