We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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