garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize