i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize