He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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