sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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