I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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