Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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