everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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