bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
