Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
