my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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