the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
