mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
