I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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