woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
