Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
