Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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