haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
