When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His nipple licking is glorious
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