the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
