Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
