is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
