I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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