I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
