Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
