you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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