Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drake has all the answers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
