I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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