i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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