This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
