i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
