Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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