JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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