I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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