what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
