I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
