Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
