Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!