her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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