a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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