What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i came on her dog
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
