help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
