shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
