I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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