i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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