"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
