Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
