I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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