I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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