I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
