And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
