I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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