Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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