I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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