We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
