You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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