Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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