took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
