Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
